


Look at me now - I'm falling

by auraya27



Series: There’s just something about you [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: M/M, and kyungsoo a drama king, angsty feelings bc chanyeol is as smart as a brick, feat very done xiumin
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-03
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-05-30 12:28:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6424075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auraya27/pseuds/auraya27
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of realizing one's feelings and all the denial, confusion and awkward situations that come with it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The aftermath

Life is all about love and happiness - yeah right. Kyungsoo could only laugh at such sentiments. After all love is the reason why he is currently hiding under his blankets, holding back his tears. Just how did things take such a turn for the worst? How did he end up like this - alone in his room and a crying mess - while he could here the rest of his band members talking and laughing from the living room.

Just when he thought he finally had his raging emotions back under control he heard a cautious knock at the door to his dorm. „Kyungsoo? It’s me - can I come in?“ At the caring voice of his hyung his doe eyes started welling up again. A sob ripped from his throat and immediately he could hear the door being pushed wide open. Just seconds later he could feel the bed dip under the weight of Xiumin and felt his arms wrapping around his blanket cocoon. „Oh Kyungsoo - it’s going to be alright!“, the older one sighted and pulled his crying mess of a band mate closer. The younger one could not stop the tears from falling.

How could things take such a 180 degree turn for the worst in only a couple of weeks?


	2. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Realizing one's feelings never turns out well, does it?

The best thing about days off was definitely the thing that everyone at the dorm was sleeping in and Kyungsoo had the flat to his own. Not that he did not like his band members - they were like a family - but living with eight other boys could be loud and exhausting at times.

Using the quiet mornings to enjoy a few precious moments of silence - just reading a novel in the living room was Kyungsoos favorite way to spend his time. Absorbed in the words he did not notice how time flew by and light crept into the living room.

It was the smell of fresh brewed coffee that brought him back to reality about an hour later. The smell of the heavenly drink and the promise of breakfast that usually accompanied it made Kyungsoo realize how hungry he was. After putting a bookmark on the page he last read and putting the book aside he got off the couch wandering in the direction of the kitchen. There he was greeted by a heartwarming sight.

The one who made the coffee was apparently Chanyeol who must have fallen back asleep right after filling his cup. He had his head bedded on his long arms in a position that did not look comfortable at all. There was a ray of sunlight shining right on his - finally - dyed back to black hair that made a halo appear around his head. Kyungsoo chuckled lightly - a halo for Chanyeol - yeah right! Still the giant looked really cute and relaxed sleeping like that. 

Surprised he blinked - since when did he think of the taller one as cute? Annoying, funny and energetic sure - but cute? That was new! Confused Kyungsoo got lost in his mind for a few minutes - not realizing that he was standing in the middle of the room glazing at his friend with a warm smile on his face.

„You are kind of obvious, you know?“ Kyungsoo felt his heart leap a thousand miles at the sudden voice from the door. After he calmed his beating heart down a bit he turned towards the intruder. Xiumin stood in the doorframe grinning his gummy smile. „You almost gave me a heart attack!“, Kyungsoo complained. Only after accusing his hyung of scaring him he registered his words. „And what do you mean obvious?“, he asked confused.

Instead of answering right away Xiumin made a vague gesture between where Kyungsoo was standing and the sleeping rapper on the desk. Irritation rose inside the vocalist at the smug grin on the others face. „What, hyung?“, he snapped - not realizing that his voice rose. At the loud noise Chanyeol was disturbed in his sleep and grumbled.

Everything froze as Kyungsoo and Xiumin watched the rapper groan and shuffle on the kitchen desk. In the end he settled down again. Relieved Kyungsoo released a breath he did not know he was holding and brushed softly during Chanyeols hair. Wait - when did he move over to the other?

Absentmindly brushing through his friends hair he thought about how good the old/new hair colour and the shorter, pushed back style suited him. „This is exactly what I was talking about“, the smug voice of the eldest member broke his concentration. Once again irritated Kyungsoo just looked at his hyung with raised eyebrows.

Chuckling Xiumin pointed out the - apparently - obvious. „It’s not hard to figure out how you feel about him, you know.“ „F-feel about who? What?“ Kyungsoo stuttered - his mind racing. What was the other taking about? Suddenly it was as if lightning stuck him. He was in love with his best friend! Shocked he pulled his hand away from Chanyeols sleeping form and took a few steps back. 

His mind was racing. When did this happen? How could he not have noticed it? Thinking back with the knowledge that he was in love with his best friend the signs were obvious. The look, the laughing, playing around on and off stage. How blind was he? He was in love with Chanyeol. After the first happy and warm feeling reality crashed down on him. He a male idol was in love with his best friend who is one of his bandmates? This had to be a joke - a cruel one but still a joke.

„Oh, you did not realize it?“, Xiumins soft voice shook him out of his grim thoughts. The elder one had come closer and reached out to lay his hand on Kyungsoo’s shoulder. Seeing the shocked and confused look in his face he went in for a hug instead. Clinging to Xiumin as if his life depended on it the younger one whispered: „How could I not notice it? Oh god, this is bad. Since when am I-“ He stopped mid-sentence. What was he about to say? That he was .. gay? But he never thought about boys like that, did he? Thinking back on it he also never thought about girls like that.

Not noticing that he started shaking while freaking out about well everything he clung even harder to Xiuminwho started to pet his hair in a soothing way. Just when he was about to say something, anything to calm Kyungsoo down a deep and sleepy voice interrupted them. „What are you doing? Cuddling in the kitchen that early in the morning?“

Kyungsoo went still in his arms and over his shoulder Xiumincould see the tall boy lift himself up from his awkward position on the table. Unfortunately - or fortunately depending on the way you look at it - Chanyeol had a sixth sense of sorts and immediately realized that something was off. „Is everything alright?“, he asked concerned and got up.

Panicking Kyungsoo stepped out of Xiumins embrace but still not facing his tall friend. „No, everything's fine!“, he said but with that shaking voice he could not even convince himself. Thousands of thoughts were running through his mind - getting darker by the seconds. Of course Chanyeol did not believe his friends poor attempt at reassuring him. But as soon as he made a move to come over to the other two members Kyungsoo almost ran out of the kitchen claiming he forgot to do something important in his room.

The remaining two members looked at his retreating back with very different emotions. Chanyeol was just confused and worried because sure Kyungsoo was a little special sometimes but his voice had sounded like he was about to cry. On the other hand Xiumin felt sorry for the other member - being pushed to realize your feelings for another guy one who turns out to be your best friend clearly threw the younger one off balance.

„What was that about? Is he okay?“ Chanyeol asked worried. Not knowing what to say without revealing anything Xiumin was relieved that a way too energetic Chen burst into the kitchen at that moment screaming something about using the day and feeling the sun. Distracted by the new arrival Chanyeol momentarily forgot about the upset Kyungsoo and Xiumin used this moment to search for the surely confused and scared member.


	3. Reassurance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little heart-to-heart always helps.

He could not say how long he had been laying on the bed - just staring at the ceiling - when a soft knock interrupted his brooding. „Kyungsoo, can I come in?“, Xiumins soft and caring voice almost made him tear up again. „S-sure“, the younger one said - his voice failing him once again. He could hear the other one entering the room and then stopping right before his bed.

„Can I sit down?“, Xiumin asked and after a nod from the younger one sat down on the free space. Kyungsoo got up as well and hugged a pillow close. „How a-“ „How did you know? I mean I did not even realize that - “ Kyungsoo interrupted his hyung only to trail of himself. Burying his face in the soft pillow he could feel tears welling up again. Why did it have to be him?

Suddenly he was pulled into a bone crushing hug. „Oh Kyungsoo, this is nothing to be this upset about!“ Enraged the younger one pushed him off. „Nothing to be upset about? Are you kidding me? I just realized I’m .. Anyway how did you know?!“ Xiumin just sighted and smiled at the other. „You always have this soft look in your eyes when they fall upon him, if you are playful it’s with him and I am pretty sure you’d kill Baekhyun for most of the things you let Chanyeol get away with.“

Blushing Kyungsoo tried to hide his face again. Well alright - he had a kind of soft spot for the other. But that and playing around did not explain the other feelings that had apparently grown without him noticing. Anticipating Kyungsoos thought progress Xiumin continued. „Plus if you saw the look on your face this morning you would know what I am talking about. You always look so calm and happy when you think no now is watching.“

A warm and cozy feeling started to spread in Kyungsoo’s chest. He was happy when Chanyeol was around - no matter how much he complained occasionally. Getting lost in his thoughts about happy moments with the taller boy he did not realize that a smile took over his face. The older boy could not hold back his own smile at the sight of Kyungoo daydreaming. Suddenly a dark look crept across his face and Xiumin could almost see the clouds above his head.

„Why me? I mean this is just horrible!“ Xiumin was surprised by this sudden exclamation. Reaching for the others hands he smiled reassuring. „Why horrible?“ Shocked he could see tears welling up in the younger’s eyes. „There is no way he feels like that about me! And now what?“ Sighting he pulled Kyungsoo in a tight embrace and let him cry for a few moments before he tried to calm him down. „Kyungsoo you both are so close there is the possibility that he feels the same way about you.“

„That’s the point! I do not even know how I feel I mean I am not gay! At least I never was before!“ Kyungsoo cried out. Understanding that it was not only the situation at hand but the whole thing about suddenly questioning your own sexuality that threw his younger band mate off balance Xiumin tried to clam him down. „There is nothing bad about feeling this way. Maybe you like boys, maybe you just like Chanyeol - does it matter to you?“ Kyungsoo thought about his friends word for so long that Xiumin though he fell asleep.

Slowly the younger one got his emotions back under control. „No I guess“ he said after some consideration. „I mean I do not care about that it was just a bit much to take in.“ Smiling slightly at the younger Xiumin felt relieved. „Big existential crisis averted!“ he thought and mentally high-fived himself. Just when he thought things were revolved - Kyungsoo’s voice destroyed that illusion. „But there is no way that I am revealing this to anybody - especially Chanyeol!“ Sighting Xiumin straightened up on the bed. „Maybe you should tell him. What’s the worst that could happen?“

Kyungsoo looked at him as if he had lost his mind. „Tell him? Are you crazy? He would never talk to me again and then I’d have to leave EXO to save the reputation of the band and - “ „Whoa calm down!“ Xiumin interrupted his ramble. „Chanyeol is your best friend. There is no way he would react like that and who knows maybe he feels the same!“ „Yeah right!“ Kyungsoo snorted - dismissing the thought of his feelings being reciprocated. „I am not telling anybody. Hyung, promise me you won’t either!“ 

Sighting Xiumin tried one last time to convince the younger to be honest about his feelings. Being once again blocked off he finally agreed. „Alright! I still think it would be better to just tell him but I promise not to tell anybody.“ „Thanks, hyung!“ Kyungsoo hugged the other boy close. Returning the hug and burying his face in the others neck Xiumin hoped that this was the right way. 

Suddenly the door flew open. „BREAKFAST IS READY!“ a hyper Baekhyun screamed before moving on to the next room. „C’mon - let’s restart this off-day with delicious food!“ Xiumin smiled and pulled the other out of the room with him.


	4. Weird behaviour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the realization of one's feelings things tend to get a bit weird.

The next weeks brought more awkward moments with them than the trainee years combined. Hyper aware of his own feelings Kyungsoo overreacted in too many situation and got really jumpy around the other members - especially Chanyeol. The most memorable moment was when he almost broke Yixing’s nose because the other tried to hug him from behind in the kitchen. 

Of course the other members noticed that something was off with their friend and got worried. The last straw was reached when he refused to watch a movie with the rest of the members cuddled up on the two sofas because he ‚was tired‘. The real problem was that the only free spot was right next to Chanyeol and Kyungsoo could not take cuddling at the moment. As soon as the small boy closed the door of his room behind him the other members started chatting.

„I am really worried about Kyungsoo guys!“ Joonmyun exclaimed. „He is never this withdrawn ..“ „Yes and have you noticed how jumpy he has been lately - not to mention the incident where he almost broke Yixings nose!“ Jongdae added worried. Soon the members were discussing Kyungsoo’s strange behavior among themselves - spinning theories from really just being exhausted (Yixing) to secretly getting a girl pregnant (really Baekhyun?). Yet Xiumin and surprisingly Chanyeol stayed silent.

The first one because he knew exactly why the younger one behaved like that and Chanyeol because he felt guilty. Kyungsoo was his best friend but whatever bothered him - he did not share it with him. „Maybe he is too ashamed to share it with me. Or it’s really something like getting a girl pregnant?“ Frowning he tried to think of reasons why Kyungsoo might keep whatever is upsetting him so much a secret.

A sudden outburst stopped his mind from going to dark places. „I know what we need to do!“ Sehun looked way too smug for whatever he came up with to be a good idea. „We need an intervention! I’m sure if we sit Kyungsoo down and show our support he will open up to us.“ Surprised by his for once useful addition to the conversation the other members looked at him. While one after the other the boys agreed that this was a good idea Xiumin felt a strong need to face plant right on the desk. „An intervention it is!“ Joonmyun decided. „Next Friday after dance practice we will sit him down right here and talk about whatever has been bothering him! Before that - not a word towards him!“

Dance practice was definitely not Kyungsoo’s favorite time of the week. He never really liked doing the same exact choreography in seemingly endless repetitions. Now the fact that he could not even look anywhere near Chanyeol without losing his focus did not improve the situation at all. As soon as the dance instructor finalized the training the EXO members lay down to the ground just catching their breath.

After two minutes Joonmyun jumped up as if stung by a tarantula. „Food - we need food! Kyungsoo and Sehun get us some chicken from the take away and bring it back to the dorm!“ While the other members seemed to revitalize at the thought of food Kyungsoo just groaned. „Why me? I had to get it last week as well!“ Sehun seemed about as excited as him until Jongin whispered something in his ear and the maknae's mood immediately improved.

„C’mon hyung! Let’s go get some food!“ Sehun chirped in a way too cheerful tone. Kyungsoo just groaned and closed his eyes. Maybe thinking about it really hard would make the others disappear? Suddenly he was jerked off the ground by a hyperactive Sehun. „Hyuuuuung, let’s go I’m hungry!“ he whined. „Urgh, fine just shut up!“ seeing no chance to avoid his fate Kyungsoo complied. The others waved them goodbye as they got up and on their way to the take away place.

An hour later a cheerful Sehun and a ready to kill Kyungsoo entered the EXO dorm. The maknae got a call after half an hour and promptly decided to waste some more time by running off to get bubble tea. After searching for the annoying boy for ten minutes and finally being reunited the two of them finally headed home. As soon as they entered Sehun called out „We are baaack! Be ready!“ Confused but not wanting to get too deep into the weird mind of the hyperactive boy Kyungsoo carried the chicken into the kitchen.

After getting his own serving Sehun grabbed him by the elbow and practically shoved him into the living room. „Sit down, hyung! The others will come soon!“ Not thinking too hard about the fact that the situation was really weird Kyungsoo sat down on the couch - getting lost in his thoughts and the delicious taste of the chicken he drifted of a bit. 

He got ripped out of his daydreams by a cough. Looking up from his chicken he was surprised to find the rest of the members sitting on the couch, chicken on their laps and staring at him. Swallowing his last bite he looked around. „Sorry did you ask something?“ Joonmyun smiled at him but denied. There were a few moments of absolute silence only broken by the chewing sounds of nine boys. Finally it was Jongdae who could not hold himself back any longer. 

„Kyungsoo you have been acting weird lately so we decided to hold an intervention!“ the energetic boy announced. Kyungsoo inhaled the last bite of chicken almost chocking to death. What a sad way to die.


	5. Intervention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An intervention gone wrong.

When he finally got his breath back under control Kyungsoo looked up at the other members. „An intervention?!“ he asked confused. The rest of EXO looked at each other nervously - except of Xiumin who was face palming really hard. „Yes you are bothered by something and we are all here for you to talk about it! “ Yixing explained happily and if the situation would not be so weird Kyungsoo would have found it cute.

He blinked slowly and set down his now empty bowl on the table. „That is kind of nice bu-“„Don’t say you cannot talk about it! We are your best friends, we are a family - there is nothing we cannot talk about!“ Baekhyun interrupted him and smiled encouragingly. Under the stared from the other members Kyungsoo felt intimidated.

„Whatever it is - even if you got someone pregnant - we all love you and there is nothing you can not tell us!“ Baekhyun continued only to get hit by Jongin. „Stop saying that, hyung! Just because you have a thing for drama does not mean the rest of us does!“ he scolded the other. Kyungsoo chocked on air. „What are you talking about!?“ Chanyeol looked at him apologizing. „Well Kyungsoo you have been really weird since last week, all jumpy and separating yourself from the rest of us.“ Just as he was about to deny the claim Yixing suddenly spoke up. „You almost broke my nose on Tuesday! That is no normal behavior!“ The others started nodding in agreement except from Xiumin who tried to calm the situation down.

„I’m perfectly fine! There is nothing wrong with me!“ Kyungsoo claimed but he could see that the others did not believe him. At the same time he could feel his eyes starting to burn. Oh no - please do not start crying. „C’mon Kyungsoo, don’t be difficult it’s not like you killed someone, right?“ The ridiculous comment from Baekhyun was too much. „No I did not and I am not okay but this is my problem so just leave me alone!“ he screamed.

One moment is was so quiet in the living room you could have heard a needle drop. Looking up at the others Kyungsoo was confronted with shocked and concerned faces. Suddenly he could not hold the tears back. Sehun almost jumped across the desk to wipe them away. „Kyungsoo! Don’t cry! We are sorry!“ He whined trying to comfort his friend. The others were too shocked to react. After a few moments Kyungsoo pushed Sehun off. „I’m okay. Just - just leave it!“ he said and got off the couch turning away from the rest and leaving to his room.

After a few moments it was Xiumins voice that broke through the shocked silence. „Well that went well. I told you this was a stupid idea!“ Getting off the couch he walked into the direction Kyungsoo ran off to. „I’ll see if he needs anything!“ As soon as he left the room the members all started talking at once. After a few confusing moments Joonmyun called the others to silence. As soon as the members quieted down he said „Well Xiumin is right. That went really horrible. But at leaf we know for sure that there is something wrong?“ „Hyung he was crying! Kyungsoo NEVER cries unless something really sad happens or he watches a Disney movie!“ Sehun pointed out clearly worried for his friend.

After some more discussions and the silent agreement to have a close eye on Kyungsoo the band members started to put their food away. The only one who was suspiciously silent during the whole encounter was Chanyeol. After the mess was cleaned up he sat down on the couch again looking like a lost child. Sighting deeply Baekhyun let himself fall on the couch beside him. „What are you sulking about?“ The taller one let out a deep sight. „Did you see how upset he was? I don’t understand why Soo des not talk to me! I mean we are best friends, are we not?“ Baekhyun patted him on the shoulder reassuringly. Letting out another sight Chanyeol got lost in his thoughts again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized I misspelled Baekhyun in all the chapters - I corrected the mistake!


End file.
